I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
