What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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