Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
