just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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