omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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