It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
