Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it wasn't lemon gatorade
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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