His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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