Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize