Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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