Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
