There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
