Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
