did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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