I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
