pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
