Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
