I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
