how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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