Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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