I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
