Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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