Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
