I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
