I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
