I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
