I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
