the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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