I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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