champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
