Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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