Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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