I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
