And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
