I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
