This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
