You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
