Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
