Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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