Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
