Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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