I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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