we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
