I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
