Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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