I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
