His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
