i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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