You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
