Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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