we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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