I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
