...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
