did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
