Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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