Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
