Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Porn is love you can see.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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