I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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