My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
