you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize