i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
