remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
