I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And then he peed in my hair
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