I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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