Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he was CRYING into my vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
