after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
