We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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