I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
