dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
