Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
