I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
