wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
