Swine flu. Run for my life!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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