Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
