I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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