Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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