i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
