your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
