I accidentally had phone sex last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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