listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
