dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
