barbara walters just said penis...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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