Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
