Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
