true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
