there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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